


Quick and Simple Recipes with Howard

by Bulimia_in_the_house



Category: Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja
Genre: Cooking, Gen, I Tried, Is this crack?, Massive Failure with Questionable Results, Swearing, The Author Regrets Everything, howard tried to
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24261754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bulimia_in_the_house/pseuds/Bulimia_in_the_house
Summary: Welcome to Howard’s Quick and Simple Breakfast Recipes, where Howard will be trying one of the most simplest recipes in America.Don't be fooled.There will be a lot of pain.So. Much. Pain.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Quick and Simple Recipes with Howard

Welcome to Howard’s Quick and Simple Breakfast Recipes, where we will be making one of the most simplest breakfast dishes known to mankind. Today, watch as Howard Weinerman attempts to make some of the most classic dishes in America.  
  
Until he burns the kitchen down.  
  
Why cook if he’s absolutely terrible at it, you might ask? Its all for the experience.  
  
Which will probably be pain.  
  
And a couple of burns.  
  
But fuck it, he’s tired of eating the same shit over and over again.  
  
So painful cooking it is.  
  
First up is Hashbrowns and Bacon. _Simple _Howard thought as he opened his laptop.  
  
“Grate your onions and potatoes for a nice crispier taste.”  
  
_‘Ok, I can do that. Its just grating' _thought Howard as he followed the chef in the video.  
  
_‘Besides... h o w h a r d c a n i t b e ? ’ _  
  
  
  
  
  
It was really hard.  
  
…. he did more squeezing than grating as he grew frustrated from the continuous effort. In the end, the potatoes crumbled, and the onions are barely recognizable beyond the pulp it turned into.  
  
"Wait... I DON'T EVEN LIKE ONIONS!!” Howard cried  
  
_Fuck._ This is bad.  
  
But no Weinerman ever gives up on the first step.  
Howard continued with little mishaps and got to the _frying portion of the video. _  
  
“Pour in the potatoes in a hot frying pan, take a spoon, and just.. pat it down.”  
  
_‘Pat it down? What.. in Sweet Jesus is this…?’ _  
  
Howard was confused and tried mimicking the chef’s movements. After waiting for 5 minutes, it’s time to flip the hasbrowns. Howard paused the video, got his wooden spatula and slowly shoved it under the hashbrown, and raised it up ever so carefully……….  
  
The hashbrown broke off.  
  
‘SHiT!!!’  
  
Howard tried in vain to salvage the remaining hasbhbrowns. By the end of it, the food is a mess of crumbled bits of potato and onion.  
  
Howard grumbled as he returned to the laptop to unpause the video.  
  
“… now turning your hasbrowns is quick and easy. Take a plate…”  
  
_‘… WHaT'_ Howard twitched  
  
“… place it on top of the pan (turns pan over) aaaaaand ….flip it~”  
  
  
  
  
_‘………’_  
  
The next day, when Randy asks Howard why the hell his laptop looked like it went through a mix of debt and credit card loans, Howard makes a face of.. pure agony.  
  
_He'll never be the same again_  
  
But that’s a problem for future Howard.  
  
After present Howard had calmed down enough times, he turned back to the video, determined not to miss a single step again.  
  
He started _frying the bacon._  
  
“Add olive oil.. brown sugar… salt… and a knob of butter”  
  
Howard began to do the same thing. _'Ok, so far so good’_  
  
“Add only a few strips of bacon”  
  
_‘Okay’  
  
“But I like mine crispy so I’ll be more generous.”  
  
_'Well, okay then’_  
  
“Just sprinkle in a little bit of pepper.”  
  
_‘That’s fine’_  
  
“JuSt bE gEnerOUS”  
  
_**‘THiS iS tHe mOSt GenErOUS ThInG i HAvE DonE aLL wEEk! !’**_  
  
Long story short, Howard burnt the bacon. And on top of that, didn’t get to eat breakfast that day. He went over at Cunningham’s to get something to eat.  
  
Cunningham isn’t home, although the door is open. _‘Must have done some Ninja-ing. I’m sure he w0n’t mind’ _.  
  
Randy returned home that noon, having spent the whole day training and fighting off stanked civilians. He opened the fridge hoping to get a cold drink, only to find it empty.  
  
  
“HOOOOWAAAARRDDD!!!!”_____________

**Author's Note:**

> Quick and Simple Recipes by Gordon Ramsay gave me this. Its in youtube if you wanna check it out. Most of what happened to Howard happened to me so...*tsk*.... thats good
> 
> This is what I get for watching youtube at 1 am in the morning:
> 
> Dry Eyes and Regret.


End file.
